She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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