My room smells like vodka and shame
i will never coherently bang her
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
