i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
