im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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