Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
