guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
