You're earring is so big in my mouth
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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