Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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