Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize