is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
