please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
