she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
