Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am mentally ready for anal.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
