I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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