You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
