I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
