i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
