why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
