I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
