Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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