OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
