great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
