Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
