i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
