dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
