The brown eye won't let me do that either.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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