Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
