Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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