This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
