the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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