oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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