apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
