my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
