she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
