I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
