so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
