Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
And then he peed in my hair
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
