He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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