She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
