I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
