I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
