i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
