beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
