Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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