you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I love you.
Bad choice
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
