he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
