dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
