Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
