why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
