come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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