I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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