Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
