I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
