i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
