omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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