i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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