go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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