I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
