Welp...herpes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
