Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
