Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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