Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
