is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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