you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
