Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
