Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
