I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
that's an acceptable place to lick
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
