WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
